Here we go again. A new year stretches out before us, rich in possibility and promise. If you have something you want to adjust in your life (and who doesn’t?) this can be an invitation to make a change. Maybe this is your chance to finally push on that goal that you have been hanging onto, but have yet to get serious about. Or maybe you find yourself in a time of transition, needing to find a new job or professional direction.
Change is not easy… but it is within your reach. Consider following these three approaches to break through this year.
1. Chase your goals - NOT someone else’s
A lot of life comes down to figuring out two things: What you want and how to get it. It’s all about setting goals and intentions and then devising an approach to make them real.
Some people seem to be so sharp and clear about what they want. They don’t have to go digging deep in their psyche and interrogate themselves, the answer is right there on the surface. They just seem to always know. I wish I was like that!
For me, and for many others, the first part is the hardest. There are just so many possible directions, opportunities, things to learn… so many choices! What the hell do I want?
A big part of why setting the right goals is hard for so many, I think, is because we can so easily be influenced by what others care about. We see what others value and work towards and we think: Oh, I should try to do that too. You can lose a lot of time chasing someone else’s dream if you aren’t careful.
2. Find your power source
As we go through life we develop certain grooves of behavior and comfort, and escaping those requires something new. If we don’t alter the equation in some way we can’t expect to achieve any sort of breakthrough. We need to bring new energy to the challenge to have a chance to accomplish anything. We need a power source to draw from. Where will you find yours?
Most people will point to their own desire and motivation, essentially saying: This thing will happen because I really, really want it. The problem is that motivation (like discipline, another quality we tend to over-rely on) is a fickle power source. There’s a reason gyms get crowded in January and thin out by late February. Internal motivation is a limited and unreliable fuel.
Flush with hope and belief, it is easy to think that we have everything within us needed to create immediate and total change. If you do this, it’s like imagining yourself as a rocket on a launchpad poised for ignition. Flip a switch and you will rise up to the heavens, blazing a brilliant trail in the sky for all to see while racing directly towards your destination.
There is a better ways to think of your change journey. Imagine you are the captain of a ship that is about to set sail. You pick the destination, the itinerary, and what you carry with you. What drives you forward, though, is not an internal fuel supply but rather the winds that you can catch along the way. You won’t go in a straight line and might have to slow down or even stop for a while, but if you stick with it you will get there.
The winds that blow you towards your destination can come from many places. Friends and allies who are invested in what you are trying to achieve, and whose energy and support push you forward. The sense of accomplishment and pride you get from seeing signs of early progress. The rewards you give yourself as you achieve milestones along the way.
I have lost plenty of time trying to willpower myself to some new frontier of achievement. Chances are, you have too. Fervent determination and optimism are a great place to start but rarely enough to propel us into a new way of thinking and acting.
3. connect the dots into new shapes
Just as our ancestors looked at the night sky and saw representations of animals, warriors, and gods where we might just see stars (seriously, does this look like an archer to you?), we connect the dots with what we see and experience in our life. And we often connect them into shapes that validate and reinforce our fears and doubts.
Say you quit a job you hate to find something more fulfilling in a new field. Initially, it feels like the universe is confirming you in your decision. A recruiter tells you he loves your positioning statement, a friend who is also looking for a new opportunity suggests you help each other. You feel motivated and filled with purpose.
A few weeks pass… and doubt creeps in. Now you stare at your quiet inbox and wonder why no one is answering your emails. You get to the last interview round with a couple of companies but don’t end up getting selected. The recruiter never gets back in touch, that friend who was your search partner ends up taking a job. As you scroll morosely through LinkedIn, you feel like an unqualified fraud. What was I thinking? I’m not right for this. All that confidence and momentum is gone, replaced with a crippling sense of futility.
What is actually happening is that you are taking disconnected incidents, many of which have nothing at all to do with you, and connecting them into fearful shapes. There is nothing more likely to derail your attempt to change and grow.
So connect the dots into new patterns! Take control of your own interpretation. Stop letting your fears constrain your possibility.
Finally: keep going
Most of all, give yourself grace and understanding. There is no one way to accomplish any goal, no single path and timeline that you must follow. Understand that while the new year gives you a great excuse for starting a new journey, that opportunity is available to all of us every day, every hour, and every moment. The change you want may not happen in the exact way that you imagine, but if you stick with it and keep your sense of purpose and possibility intact, you can steer the course to your destination.